“When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.”
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Use Plain, Simple Language
“I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English–it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don’t let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don’t mean utterly, but kill most of them–then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.”
On Criticizing Jane Austen
“I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin.”
French Idiots
“In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.”
Using the Right Words
“A powerful agent is the right word…Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or a newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.”
Sad to be Considered a Great Author
“I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I am not feeling very well myself.”
The Grammar of Cats
“You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does—but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you’ll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it’s the NOISE which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it’s the sickening grammar they use.”
The Difference Between Words
“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
Swearing and the Spirit of Wrath
“The spirit of wrath—not the words—is the sin; and the spirit of wrath is cursing. We begin to swear before we can talk.”
Profanity and Prayer
“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”
Virtues and Cussedness
“None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness; but we can try.”
Noise Proves Nothing
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.”
